i want someone who will love me forever. someone who will move with me to a cottage by the sea. who will sit with me by the ocean in silence just to hear the waves and the sound of the seagulls. someone who will stay with me on cold winter nights and make me feel safe.
i should stop kissing random boys. all i want is to kiss him.
It’s like being in love: giving somebody the power to hurt you and trusting (or hoping) they won’t.
Marina Abramović, Rest Energy
as im sitting alone in my bed i just feel like reflecting on everything. maybe it’s the mercury retrograde but i’ve never seen something once so amazing become so hopeless in such a short amount of time. only two months ago he would tell me how special i was to him. how he thought about nobody else. now he’s too busy to talk to me for two days. and it’s okay. i guess its okay. i need to learn to be with myself. im so bad at that. i tried finding someone else. for a time i practically had two lovers: something i said i would never do. i guess as you grow older you discover stuff about yourself. who you really are. who i am truly am i somebody who i lonely, sad, yet optimistic. i’m just looking for love, and when i feel that taken away from me i don’t know what i can do. i know that love is the most important thing in the world. it truly is, and it’s so hard for me to accept that what i thought was truly “until the end” wasn’t. it wasn’t. it was for the summer. the magic came from the summer. and now it’s nothing. i feel like nothing. nothing without love. but i’m going to try. i’m trying to be better, better with myself.